


:null:

by The_Eldritch_IT_Gay



Series: Flesh, Circuit, and Bone [8]
Category: Outland Industries
Genre: Blood, Gaslighting, Hallucinations, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Panic Attacks, Suicidal Ideation, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-30
Updated: 2016-04-30
Packaged: 2018-06-05 08:46:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6697936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Eldritch_IT_Gay/pseuds/The_Eldritch_IT_Gay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was inevitable that things would fall apart, they knew that. Some people knew they were sick, but few people knew how severe things were. None of their friends realized how bad things had gotten. While they wanted to be able to be honest about their condition, it’s hard to tell your best friend that you're dying. And when people know you’re dying, they treat you differently. They remembered all too well the condescending, pitiful faces adults had gave them as a child. Not only that, but their job was at stake if their bosses knew just how close they were to death. They weren’t just one of the best prototypers, they were the leading expert in cybernetics. They had huge responsibilities and many expectations they had to meet. All of this, was why they didn’t call anyone.</p>
            </blockquote>





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It was inevitable that things would fall apart, they knew that. Some people knew they were sick, but few people knew how severe things were. None of their friends realized how bad things had gotten. While they wanted to be able to be honest about their condition, it’s hard to tell your best friend that you're dying. And when people know you’re dying, they treat you differently. They remembered all too well the condescending, pitiful faces adults had gave them as a child. Not only that, but their job was at stake if their bosses knew just how close they were to death. They weren’t just one of the best prototypers, they were _the_ leading expert in cybernetics. They had huge responsibilities and many expectations they had to meet. All of this, was why they didn’t call anyone.

Curled up and shaking violently, they cried. They knew their arms and legs were bruising from just holding herself. The pain was excruciating, every nerve ending felt like it was on fire. Their breath came in gasps, hair matted to their forehead with sweat. Still riding out the aftermath of their 4th seizure that night, their eyes were screwed shut.

“Wow, you look awful.” A voice broke the silence.

Sniffing, they cracked open an eye. Ari was sitting on the counter, smiling slightly.

“ _Fuck off.”_ They signed bitterly.

“Love you too, Ciar.” She grinned.

“Ari I don’t want yo-”

They cut off mid sentence, coughing violently into their hand. When they lowered it, they grimaced at the blood droplets staining their palm. Sighing shakily, they wiped their hand off on their shirt. Ari’s face fell, worry evident on her face.

“Ciar… how did it get this bad?”

“I’m dying.” They shrugged, trying to hold back tears in an effort to seem nonchalant.

“I know that, but… your outlook said you would probably make it to 25. You’re supposed to have a few more years. 

“It’s my choice though, isn’t it.”

She eyed the bottle next to them and sighed. 

“Ciar, I thought you didn’t drink. That can’t be helping.”

“A lot's changed since you were around. And I don’t care. I needed something to take the edge off.”

“The edge of what?”

Tears rolled down their face as they responded, “ _Everything.”_

“Why are you letting yourself get this bad? Are you trying to die?”

“No.”

“That’s kinda what it looks like. Your days are already numbered, but for some fucking reason you're enjoying cutting months and even years off your life.”

They were silent, avoiding Ari’s eyes. Eyes fluttering closed, they shuddered, suddenly feeling cold and nauseous. Their nails dug into their palm as they tried to ride out the nausea and pain. Ari didn’t talk while they calmed themself, she knew them well enough to know to wait. Eventually, the nausea passed and they opened their eyes again.

“What time is it Ari?”

She glanced at the clock behind them. 

“1:00am.”

“ _Fuck”_ Ciar signed quickly, jerking themselves upright.

The sudden change of position caused their vision to black out, nausea returning. They fell back, head hitting the floor hard, causing them to wince. When their vision came back, Ari was kneeling next to them worriedly.

“You need to rest.”

Ciar shook their head, “No, I ha- I have to work. I have to finish my project.” 

“You can’t finish your project if you're dead.” 

“You don’t understand, _I need to- I need t- I need to finish the, to finish the project.”_ They tensed up, anxiety rising, “This project is everything, I can’t I can’t I can’t not- not do it.” 

“Ciar this stress is definitely not helping your health.” 

“ _I don’t fucking care Ari!_ I don’t care if I only live another month, I don’t care if I live another week, or another day. I just need to get this project done, then I can die.”

Ari stood up, walking over to the door, shaking her head.

“How does this play out in your head, Ciar? You don’t tell anyone, not even your friends, that you're dying. You finish your project, and die soon after. Maybe you don’t even get that far, maybe you die before you're done. Then what?”

“I’d be dead, how would I know?”

“You’re right, but your friends aren’t. How do you think they’ll feel?” 

Ciar sat up slowly, jaw clenched.

“Shut up…”

“No. Think about it. You’re friends care about you and love you, do you think they won’t care you’re dead?” 

Pulling themself to stand, they looked at themselves in the mirror, trying to ignore Ari’s reflection behind them.

“Do you think they’re going to judge you if you tell them? They deserve to know. You could’ve told _me_ , I could’ve taken it. Why didn’t you tell me, and why do you still lie?”

“Shut. Up.”

“Why do keep pretending like you don’t need anyone, or any friends.”

“I don’t! I need _you._ ”

“Really? Do you really? Or do you just want to have someone to push away when they get to close?”

“Shut up…” Their hands shook as they signed, tears streaming down their face. 

“No. I’m not going to shut up. And I’m not going to just let you throw your life away. Do you get some sort of pleasure from breaking everyone’s heart, or it just a pleasant side-effect?” 

“ _I SAID SHUT UP!”_

They threw their fist through the mirror, the shards cutting into their knuckles, some falling into the sink. 

“ _Shut up…”_ They cried, body trembling, “ _You're dead…”_  

Looking in the broken mirror they could see Ari wasn’t there. Falling to their knees they curled up on the floor again.

“ _You're dead…”_ They echoed, tucking their chin into their knees as their body shook with sobs.

  
“ _I killed you…”_


End file.
